Limits

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.”

~ Albert Einstein

A couple of events happened recently which made me evaluate how I do and react to them. The first activity was a 15-mile bike ride that I attended with a biking group that I recently joined. According to most people in the group, it was easy enjoyable ride for all newcomers. The first part of the ride was indeed enjoyable, traveling on a flat and paved road in between the Everglades. However, the return part of the ride was the challenging part, only because there was no shade and temperatures had risen considerably. So, it took me more than I expected in terms of effort and willpower to make the entire ride.

The second event that has made me reflect on my perception was an 8-mile run with my running group. This time I knew most of the people participating, but I was unfamiliar with the course. Thankfully a kind soul printed maps, and at the last moment I decided to take one of them with me. Well, the other people in the group decided to keep running without pausing (I usually run in intervals, 3 minutes running and 1 minute walking). So, at one point, I couldn’t keep up with their pace and I fell behind. I fell so far back that I couldn’t see them, and thus, I didn’t know how to complete the course. Since I didn’t bring my phone, my only way back was using the printed map.

Obviously, I survived both events, but they challenged me in ways I had not anticipated. And I did learn from them quite a bit. The first and most basic takeaway is that I am too dependent on others. Why do I put myself in those situations? My first instinct was to deny attending both events since I knew I was not the strongest bike rider or the fastest runners. However, the organizers were people whom I trust, so I decided to participate. What’s the worst thing that can happen? Haha famous last words. I mean, I knew that I was going to be pushed a bit, but never realized the extent. Looking back, I should have not compared myself to others since I only know how I react to unknown physical challenges. What is easy to most, it’s probably much more difficult for me, since I was never an outdoorsy person. So, I should have studied the terrain and course more, and brought along the necessary supplies for a worst-case scenario.

I also realized that when I started to get in trouble in both excursions, my mind went into panic mode. This is probably when it dawned on me that perhaps I may have been over my head. And what did I do when panic set in? I got angry. I was furious that people had not realized that I was not at their level. Well, guess what? Nobody was thinking about me, because they were busy trying to survive themselves! Of course, this is something I understood a few days later, not at the moment when I was all alone in the Everglades with only sleepy gators as companions. Planning these events is a bonding experience, so coordinators had the best intentions in mind, and it’s impossible to make everyone happy. Also, I cannot expect people to fully understand what level of beginner I am. So, I learned to have no expectations from others and to not compare myself to others as well.  

Then once I accepted that nobody was coming back for me, I went into enduring the challenge and putting one step in front of the other. This is what I call training the will. It seems endless at first, but once I do something for some time and stop complaining, my body accepts the pain and keeps going. I also try to make a game out of it. See how long it takes me to get to the next block, then to the next, etc. During the run, I actually enjoyed looking for street addresses on my sweaty map, so maybe I missed my calling of being an explorer. Being by myself also taught me that I function at a different speed from others. For some, going full throttle is how they enjoy an experience. However, I prefer to go slower in order to contemplate the beauty of the moment. I also enjoy taking photos, so I can enjoy the moments for a second time later at home, or share them with others.

I have always known that physical challenges are my biggest tests. I used to avoid them when I was little, but now as an adult, I have learned so much about myself from them. In both instances, I was not in mortal danger, but I was definitely taken to new limits. This is good, because it has taught me the importance of going a bit beyond the edge of what I find comfortable. This makes me more self-reliant and stronger in finishing what I start. I feel the accomplishment wash over me whenever I do these physical tasks. Will I ever sign up for new adventurous/physical/outdoors events again? Yes, but with a new perspective and understanding of myself, and of others.